morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
