just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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