this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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