i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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