I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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