So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
