I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
