oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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