Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
