I wanna bring you to show and tell
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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