Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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