she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
