Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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