no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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