She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Randomize
