When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
