see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
