I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
