My underwear smells like fireworks.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
foreskin is a definite game changer
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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