I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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