He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
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