Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
