Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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