there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
