and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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