I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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