sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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