ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Randomize
