So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
