Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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