this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
i think i just lost a toe
If I had your ass I would rule the world
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
