Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
