he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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