Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
