I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
