At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
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