Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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