He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
