I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
