my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
