You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Randomize
