You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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