Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Randomize
