even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
