just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
