So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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