True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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