she kept yelling 'call me bella'
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
