im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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