Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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